Live from the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Daniel Bryan… Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes… United States Champion: Zack Ryder… Tag Team Champions: Air Boom… Diva’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
It’s the final Raw of 2011… tempus fugit.
CM Punk’s music hits but it’s actually John Laurinaitis in a Punk t-shirt (which I just got for Christmas) faking out the hometown crowd. He calls his surprise entrance a microcosm of what goes on, and calls it the “golden era” of Raw; John says he is a “Punk believer”, which brings out the real CM Punk, to a massive hometown ovation. Punk feels that Laurinaitis is poking him and wonders why he doesn’t kick him in his face. Laurinaitis says well, he’s the boss and could fire him; John says he is giving him a Christmas present, the night off… not! Who says he can’t be unpredictable! Punk knows he cannot be unpredictable; he asks if Laurinaitis believes in aliens because they’re watching from their spaceships (with Mulder… in the beginning of Season 8…) and also think that he is not unpredictable. Laurinaitis says he listens to the WWE Universe and they want him to compete, so he books him in a Gauntlet match, and whoever defeats him is the number one contender. Punk says “what happens when he beats your three guys?” John says he hasn’t thought about that… and therein lays the problem; Punk says that after he defeats the third man, he asks for a fourth match, CM Punk versus… John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis tries to back his way out of it but Punk polls the fans in attendance; they, of course, cheer loudly for the match, forcing Laurinaitis to agree to the match. Punk celebrates but is interrupted by a 01/02/12 promo, “the end begins, next Monday”. 5/10 Nothing special except for the face that we may get Punk vs. Johnny Ace. I don’t mind gauntlet matches, but it DOES leave plenty of room for swerves.
Booker T vs. Cody Rhodes: Booker, who is the new Dick Clark, works the arm early on; Rhodes nails him with a shoulderblock but runs into a hiptoss. He peppers him in the corner and bodyslams him. Rhodes takes over and then pounds on Book in the corner; Booker nails Cody with a high elbow to the face. He hits a vertical suplex, allowing me to notice a new tattoo on Booker’s back, he gets a one count. Rhodes avoids the Axe Kick and takes control with a running swinging neckbreaker. He tosses Booker to the floor and we head to break. Cody has him in a keylock, when we return; Booker comes back with forearms and chops. He tosses Cody into the corner, but does a little twirl when he charges in, and takes his eyes off his opponent, Jesse Ventura would be so disappointed; Rhodes sneaks in a high elbow. Cody lowers his kneepad and drops a knee, to the face, for two. Nice. Rhodes settles into a rear-naked choke; Book rolls onto his knees and elbows his way free. He drops his head allowing Rhodes a Gutter Punch and clothesline, for two. Rhodes plays to the crowd and the match slows down severely and the crowd begins to get bored, they realize this, and go into a “boo/yay” punchfest; Cody wins with a dropkick. He applies another wear down hold and Booker has to slowly escape again but Cody knees him in the gut to cut off another comeback. He charges into an elbow in the corner though, and Booker begins a comeback with clotheslines and a side slam, for two. He gets a two off a scissors cradle in the corner; Rhodes then rolls him up for two. He misses the Axe Kick again and Rhodes gets a roll up for two; Rhodes nails the Beautiful Disaster… for two. Cody looks for Cross Rhodes but Booker reverses into the heel-hook kick; he misses the leg lariat and Cody tries a short clothesline but Booker ducks and reverses into the Axe Kick (finally) and gets three. 3/10 The match was a perfectly acceptable wrestling match… for 1985; there were a ton of rest holds, I assume to compensate for Book’s ring rust. It was fine just tremendously boring.
In the back Zack Ryder tells John Cena that he owes him one; Cena says he owes him nothing and says he did it all himself. He proved the naysayers wrong and he respects him for it. Ryder asks him what’s up with Kane; Cena says he’s headed to the ring to address that now. Back at ringside, Jerry Lawler announces the three opponents for CM Punk tonight they are (in this order); Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry. Well, Henry is injured, so we’ll see where that goes. Elsewhere Big Show is discussing “beauty tips” with Kelly Kelly when referee Scott Armstrong tells him that John Laurinaitis needs him urgently.
Back from commercial, John Laurinaitis is on the phone with Brodus Clay, who is getting a little annoyed at the five hundred false re-debuts he has received; John is pleased with his anger and tells David Otunga that he’d hate to be Clay’s first opponent. Big Show arrives. Laurinaitis shows him clips of knocking out Otunga, who threatens a lawsuit and teases him about the “shortest title reign in WWE history”; Otunga rants some more and Show says he could defeat him “with one arm tied behind his back”. Laurinaitis books the match in lieu of a lawsuit. Show says a giant with one arm is still better than a lawyer with no testicles. Elsewhere, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler tease each other about losing respective titles and insist that the other is beating CM Punk tonight. Vickie Guerrero tries to calm everyone down but are all interrupted by Mark Henry who bumps into them and leaves.
Zack Ryder & Eve Torres vs. Tyson Kidd & Natalya mixed tag match: The Hart Dynasty are already in the ring; Ryder begins with Kidd, who stomps Ryder down. He hits a reverse elbow and gets a one count. He charges into a Ryder reverse elbow and gets floored with a second-rope missile dropkick. Nattie tags in so Eve comes in; they battle in the corner and Torres arm drags her. She hits the Bump ‘n’ Grind Moonsault for two; Natalya retreats to the ropes and pulls Eve into them. Nattie tries the Sharpshooter but Eve slips free and tags in Ryder. Kidd tries to springboard into the ring but Ryder ducks and hits some clotheslines. He hits a faceplant and a Sky High; Natalya breaks up the pinfall so Eve nails her with a one foot dropkick. They hit stereo Broski Boots and the Rough Ryder quickly finishes off Kidd. Post-match, Ryder leads the fans in a fist pump. 4/10 Wow, a mixed tag squash; nothing special except for a Kidd sighting on Raw and Ryder getting squash matches, when a year ago, he was getting squashed by Mason Ryan and Ezekiel Jackson.
John Cena comes out and soaks up the severe boos from the Chi-town crowd; Cena addresses the Chicago fans’ disgust of him. He talks about the wrestling history in Chicago, three WrestleManias, namedrops Eddie Guerrero, who went into the HOF in Chicago, and when CM Punk beat him back at MitB. He calls out Kane, but gets The Miz instead, who wants a match with Cena. He wants to tie up loose ends and calls it the year of the Miz; he discusses his WrestleMania main event victory, and says it was tainted by The Rock. He wants everyone’s last image of 2011 to be the Miz defeating Cena. Cena calls for a referee, and one actually appears for a match right now, how unpredictable…
John Cena vs. The Miz: This match is (quite possibly) just a formality to get Kane out there to beat up Cena again. Cena opens with an arm drag and a go-behind takedown. They do some mat wrestling, allowing Chicago to amuse themselves with dueling Cena chants; Miz retreats to the floor, grabs a mic, and berates the fans for cheering (or booing) Cena. Miz reneges on the match as says it does not matter because he already defeated Cena on the grandest stage of them all. He rants a little more and gets himself counted out. Post-match, Miz continues to berate the fans, he gets a Packers/Bears insult in and leaves because he’s awesome… but he is interrupted by a returning R-Truth. The former Awesome Truth brawl around ringside and Truth gets the better of Miz and beats him on the announce table. Truth tosses Miz into the steps and talks to himself; Cena seems to have disappeared. He grabs a mic and says he could finish it right now but that “ain’t no fun”. He wants every Monday night to be like Christmas because Little Jimmy says it’s okay. Truth says in the New Year “all acquaintance be forgot… no, because they all gonna get got, Jimmy!” Truth douses him with water and leaves. 6.5/10 Well, that was a pleasant surprise; I thought we were going to get yet another Kane/Cena situation but in reality we got a Miz/Truth storyline continuum. I guess Truth is the babyface, although I would not put it past the WWE to turn Miz into the face here, though.
The commentators promise Kane’s appearance later.
Big Show vs. David Otunga: As per his challenge, Big Show will have one hand tied behind his back; I like Otunga’s music but it does not fit his character. The WMD hand is the one that is tied; Otunga tries to kick Big Show in the corner but he traps his foot in his legs and head-butts him. Show traps him in the corner and gets a few chops and clotheslines. Otunga plays keep-away and trying to tire out Show; Otunga finally traps Show in the corner but gets overwhelmed and tossed to the floor. Mark Henry strolls out and Show is essentially defenseless. Henry wanders into the ring, instantly drawing a DQ for Otunga. Post-match, Show tries to untie himself so Henry floors him with a forearm. Daniel Bryan heads out to the ring for the save; he distracts Henry long enough to allow Show to free himself. Show goozles Henry, Otunga makes the “save”, and takes a chokeslam allowing Henry to escape. 2/10 Continues the triangle feud between Henry, Big Show and Bryan; Otunga looks like a jobber but his impact is on the mic and not in the ring, so it does not really matter.
Ricardo Rodriguez (in a neck brace) wheels an injured Alberto Del Rio onto the stage in a golden wheelchair. He calls it a tragedy, for someone who did everything in 2011, that he is injured. He says in the main event, last week, he completely tore his groin; he calls the fans “peasants”. The Bella Twins come out to defend Del Rio and berate the fans. They get into an argument over who is going to throw a party for Del Rio when he recovers; Alberto gets annoyed and dismisses them to the back. His New Year’s resolution is to return from injury more vicious than before, and will be the WWE Champion again. 3/10 Just an explanation for where Del Rio will be for the foreseeable future.
We get a WWE ’12 reenactment of Mark Henry versus CM Punk. They finally altered Henry’s attire in the game from the Kool-Aid red to the heel black.
CM Punk vs. Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero) Gauntlet, match 1: If Swagger beats Punk he gets a title shot next week on Raw. Remember, don’t shoot food. Punk is in his Chicago colored gear. Punk applies an armbar so Swagger goes behind; Punk gets some kicks in and they battle in a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. Swagger winds up with a side headlock. Swagger runs the ropes and runs into a leg lariat; Punk kicks a little but charges into a stomach breaker and some elbow drops. Swagger settles into a wastelock. Punk fights free and retreats into the corner where he tries a springboard but Swagger catches him and nails him with another stomach breaker; looked like they mistimed it a little, I think Swagger was supposed to catch him in midair, the two of them are such good wrestlers, it looked as seamless as it could. He kneelifts into a Swagger Bomb attempt but Punk recovers quickly and catches him in a GTS attempt; Vickie hops up on the apron but Jack makes his own save with repeated elbows. Swagger misses a running lariat and Punk kicks his head off with a roundhouse kick and gets the three!
CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger) Gauntlet, match 2: If Ziggler beats Punk he gets a title shot next week on Raw. SHOW OFF! Swagger, who was still hanging around, clips Punk’s leg from behind before the bell rings. Ziggler joins him and the referee gets Swagger out of the ring and the match (eventually) begins. After break, Ziggler is working the leg that Swagger injured at the bell; Punk kicks himself free and tries a bodyslam but Ziggler is too Earthquake for Punk’s Hulk Hogan. Dolph takes over working the leg and punches away on it. Ziggler tries a vertical suplex but Punk turns it into an inside cradle, for two. Dolph continues the legwork, which is a sound strategy, yet boring; he drops him with a nice dropkick and applies a crossbow lock. Punk head-butts himself free and counters another dropkick slingshooting him into the corner. Punk with a neckbreaker attempt but Ziggler goes to the bad leg; he slaps on a painful looking half crab, for a while. Punk struggles to the ropes. Dolph breaks on four. Punk begins his comeback and kicks away. He gets the bodyslam and continues to kick away (with the good leg) on Ziggler’s back. He NAILS a running shuffle kick for two. Ziggler tries a surprise Hashtagger but Punk pushes him off; Punk hits the running corner knee and tries the Go2Sleep. Vickie grabs Punk’s leg as Swagger distracts the referee; Dolph lands the Hashtagger, for a very close two count. John Laurinaitis wanders down to ringside and grabs the microphone tells the referee about Vickie’s interference, while Punk has a pinfall on Ziggler after another roundhouse kick, Laurinaitis ejects Swagger and Vickie, all the while costing Punk the pinfall. He then talks to Punk distracting him allowing Dolph a Zigzag and gets the pinfall to earn the title match next week! Post-match, Ziggler celebrates with the WWE title and leaves it on the stage. 7/10 Good series of two matches with Punk and the Guerrero stable; Ziggler, just like last year, earns himself a title match. This should lead to a great match on the first Raw in 2012. That’s how Mark Henry will compete but not compete while recovering from the injury.
Kane comes out to MAIN EVENT explain his actions with John Cena. He says his new/old look is his essence and the fans live in a lie. John Cena wastes no time interrupting. Kane cuts him off with the power of pyrotechnics. Kane says he chose Cena as his victim because he has led the fans astray; rise above hate is a fallacy, because the world is a dark place, and it is okay to hate. Humans are hateful creatures deep down; he feels people should embrace hate and allow it to consume you. People hate everyone in their lives and their own miserable existence; hate is the seed from which we are born and fuels our impulses. Kane says Cena has hate and he should embrace it and you become honest. Which is a kayfabe way of saying: when you turn heel the fans who hate you will finally support you. The dueling chant rings out and Kane stops talking to allow it to fester. Kane, and all of the people, are going to help John go through his transformation because the last thing he will hear, in 2011, is the chant that rips him apart from the inside… “Cena sucks”. There is a very meek Cena sucks chant, which eventually grows as the show goes off the air. 5/10 I’m rating this one in the middle because it is interesting where the WWE may go with it… a possible heel turn for Cena going into WrestleMania via a heel Kane?
I start my new job next week, so I will TRY to review as much as possible, but with a baby on the way (due in May of 2012), there may not be as much time. I will try to review as much as possible though!
OVERALL 5/10 The beginning of the show was rather painful but built nicely to a good series of matches to close it out. The Cena/Kane thing could be interesting from a storyline perspective but not from an in-ring perspective. Ziggler gets elevated just like he did around this time last year and we are going to kick off 2012 with a title match next week.
