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Live from the Scope in Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Mark Henry… Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes… United States Champion: Dolph Ziggler… Tag Team Champions: Air Boom… Diva’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
Time for the Slammy Awards! Nifty stage tonight; not the traditional Raw stage, large columns on the sides, as opposed to the one-sided stage.
The first Slammy is for the “Tell Me I Did Not Just See That” award; Booker T and Hornswoggle (with huge afro) present. Booker goes over how Horny got the ability to start. Hornswoggle pimps Booker’s match with Cody Rhodes at TLC. The nominees are Jim Ross for dancing, Santino Marella for almost winning the Rumble, R-Truth for jobbing to Little Jimmy, The Miz impersonating The Rock. The Slammy goes to… Jim Ross for dancing during the “Michael Cole Challenge”; JR says that he got “jiggy with it” and, of course, Michael Cole interrupts. They are really amping up Cole’s annoyance lately as bitches about the award and insults JR’s weight. Booker challenges Cole to a rap-off versus Jim Ross. Oh, dear Lord. JR, Booker and Hornswoggle head into the ring, Cole goes first and makes an Eminem/M&M joke, he dances like a dork and “raps”, generally making fun of Ross and Jerry Lawler, it was… okay. JR asks for no music (even though he gets some); JR doesn’t rhyme at all but tells Cole to kiss his ass. The fans vote for Jim Ross, of course. Ross goes to leave but Booker gets him to stay and asks for JR-a-Roonie; Booker shows him how it’s done. Cole says this may be the worst segment in WWE history… hard to argue with him. JR… well, he tried. 2/10 Oy, tell me I didn’t just watch that?
Mick Foley and Ted Dibiase (thank God they used Dibiase’s music) come out to present the Slammy for the “Holy Shit Moment” award. Dibiase steals the cheap pop; Foley goes through his Holy shit moments but wonders why they were paired; perhaps because they are the wealthiest and cheapest. Dibiase says he’s an ordained minister so he’s the “Holy” part… guess what that makes Foley? DIBIASE LAUGH! The nominees; Sheamus powerbombing Sin Cara through a ladder, Randy Orton RKO to Christian on the steel steps, Big Show and Mark Henry for collapsing the ring, and Evan Bourne shooting star press off a ladder. The winner is …Big Show and Mark Henry, not much of a shock there. Show comes out first and thanks the academy and then trashes Mark Henry; Show says he is winning the World Title at TLC… and is going to the ring for a match. Wade Barrett, his opponent, says the award Show won signifies unexpected, and if Show wins the World title the “Barrett Barrage” is coming for him. 3/10 I figured that Show/Henry would win that since the WWE is obsessed with large men collapsing the ring.
Big Show vs. Wade Barrett: Well, it’s not a crappy match; I don’t see it ending clean. WE JIP with Barrett on the floor and hotshotting Show off the rope. He can’t capitalize and Show shoulderblocks him; Show attempts to put Barrett through a table on the floor but Wade shoves him off and posts him. A running boot places Show on the table; Barrett to the second rope but Show recovers and Wade has second thoughts. Show smashes the table with his bare hands and chops Barrett back into the ring. Wade grabs a chair and Show punches it out of his hands. Big Show wins by DQ. 2/10 Well that match was crap AND too short. They had to keep them both strong so the DQ ending was necessary but it doesn’t help the match quality.
The Road Dogg comes out! You DAMN right! He is trying to keep his words PG. He is presenting the “Pipe Bomb of the Year” award. Nominees; is a montage of great promo work. Highlights are, a TON of R-Truth stuff, CM Punk and Steve Austin, some of Booker T’s AWESOME commentary, The Rock and John Cena sparring, and a bunch of Zack Ryder stuff. The winner is… CM Punk… DUH! He invented the pipe bomb; Punk comes out with a giant mannequin with a Johnny Ace t-shirt on! Punk thanks some random people and then inappropriately shed light on a cause. He feels that someone backstage deserves an award and then calls them bland, lacking intelligence and other various insults. He presents mocking a tribute to John Laurinaitis with a bunch of Dynamic Dudes clips. Dear Lord, that was funny. Punk says he is watching Point Break and wishes he was Patrick Swayze. 7/10 Thank you Punk.
Lita returns to present “Divalicious Moment of the Year”. Nominees are Natalya’s double Sharpshooter, Kelly Kelly winning the Divas title, Kharma decimating people, and Beth Phoenix’s top rope Glam Slam. The winner is… Kelly Kelly, she is happy and doesn’t even get to say anything because she is immediately interrupted by Pinup Strong. Beth steals the Slammy so Kelly slaps her and takes it back. Beth is pulled back into the back by Nattie. 1/10 Whatever.
Santino Marella and the Bella Twins come out for the “OMG Moment of the Year”; Santino pronounces it as “ohmmg”. The Bellas have to clarify it and Santino insults them calling them Alberto Del Rio’s escorts. Oh my God! The nominees are, Triple H Tombstones the Undertaker and he kicks out from WrestleMania, The Rock with the Rock Bottom on John Cena also from WrestleMania, the Superstars walk out on COO HHH, and CM Punk winning the WWE title at Money in the Bank. The winner is… Undertaker kicking out of HHH’s Tombstone; Triple H comes out (with a sledgehammer) to accept the award but heads into the ring instead. He says the OMG moment was really at the climax of their match when Undertaker was carried from the ring; Hunter walked out on his own power. Taker is no more and the “Streak” came to an end. He turns to Kevin Nash who didn’t finish the job. Hunter calls their friendship lies and this Sunday he will get his revenge; he says he is “right” and will beat Nash with the sledgehammer because he is “right”. HHH claims Sunday he is “right” and Nash is done. He exits and Marella tries to give him his award but he scares him off and celebrates at the top of the stage. 5/10 We haven’t heard from HHH since the attack and the PPV is Sunday so this is necessary for PPV promotions purposes, at least he kept it short and to the point.
David Otunga and Tony Atlas come out for the “Trending Star of the Year” award; I like Otunga’s music. Tony Atlas laughs at Otunga the entire time he is trying to explain the award. Otunga has no idea why Atlas is laughing. The winner of this award will be whoever trends the longest in a following fatal four-way match. Atlas finally admits he’s laughing at Otunga the nominees are Zack Ryder (duh), Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan. At least we get a possibly entertaining match here…
Daniel Bryan vs. Zack Ryder vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) fatal four-way, “Trending Star of the Year” award match: TRENDING~! They pair off as Dolph battles Ryder and Rhodes gets tossed over the top by Bryan. Ziggler gets extricated from the ring as well and Ryder and Bryan hit respective topés and somersault pescados on their corresponding rivals. Back from break, Bryan and Ryder are about to battle; Bryan gets kicks in the corner, whips Ryder cross-corner but eats a pair of knees. Bryan collapses in the corner for the Broski Boot for a nearfall. Bryan flips off the second rope and charges into… a double KO crossbody spot. I love that. Cody tries to sneak a pinfall on Bryan and then Ryder. Ziggler returns and the two heel battle… no, they agree to pound on the babyfaces. Ziggler stamps Ryder and Rhodes the same to Bryan; Ziggler drops a nice neckbreaker and then nips up. SHOW OFF! Cody plants Bryan with a Russian leg sweep; Dolph tries to outdo him with a floating basement dropkick. Dolph with the ARROGANT COVER but elects to not get the pinfall; Cody takes it as an insult and a shoving match erupts. Bryan tries to sneak in a schoolboy but fails. Ziggler battles in the corner with Ryder as Bryan and Rhodes go through a series of nearfall sequences. Cody tosses Bryan to the floor and they work over Ryder, and then toss him to the floor as well; Ziggler tries to steal one on Cody but he kicks out. Rhodes drops an Alabama Slam for two. Back from the second commercial, Rhodes has Ryder in a figure-four leglock; Zack escapes. Cody charges into Ryder’s double knees in the corner and thinks Broski Boot but Dolph upends him with a clothesline from the apron. He stamps the hell out of Ryder and tries another neckbreaker but Ryder reverse rolls him for two; the kickout sends Ryder into a Bryan slingshot sunset flip, also for two. We get a rarely seen triple KO clothesline spot between Ryder, Ziggler and Bryan. Ziggler recovers first and walks right into the Beautiful Disaster from Rhodes; Bryan breaks up the three count. Bryan clobbers the crap out of Rhodes with some serious boots and a running dropkick. He heads up top but Rhodes crotches him. Ziggler tries a Stinger splash in the other corner but Ryder moves. Ryder now heads up top but Dolph crotches him; he hits a top-rope superplex and then Rhodes does the same thing on the other side of the ring to Bryan. This is a fun match, as I thought it would be. Rhodes and Ziggler trade fisticuffs in the center of the ring. Ryder tries the Rough Ryder to Rhodes but he backdrops him… right into Ziggler and he takes the Rough Ryder! Nice spot there. Rhodes runs over and plants Ryder with Cross Rhodes! Bryan runs over and tries to snag Cody in the LeBell Lock; Ziggler, senses the urgency, runs over and locks Bryan in his sleeper hold. Bryan rolls him off and MISSES the buzzsaw kick… ZIGZAG! Ziggler FINALLY gets the pinfall. 8/10 What a match; they got the time (two commercial breaks) and delivered an action packed balls-to-the-wall match. Fun and entertaining; Ziggler, whose next stop is the main event, got the pinfall there, showing his place in the midcarder realm.
Post-match, Jerry Lawler gets in the ring to present the “Trending Star of the Year” Slammy… to Zack Ryder! Dolph Ziggler immediately plants him with another Zigzag. Funny. Dolph steals the Slammy and leaves. Michael Cole berates the WWE fans for that “travesty”.
Christian, with neck brace AND crutches comes out for the “Game Changer of the Year” Slammy. First off Christian awards himself the “courageous award” to himself. This award is presented to the moment that changed the landscape of the WWE. Before we get to the nominees, Christian ponders why he isn’t nominated for it or the “Superstar of the Year” award; he blames the WWE Universe for that and not getting his “one more match”. The nominees are, Mr. McMahon and Triple H for the “relieved of his duties”, Edge for his shocking retirement, Kevin Nash for attacking CM Punk and allowing Alberto Del Rio to cash in MitB, and John Cena and The Rock for obvious reasons. The winner is the Rock challenging John Cena at WrestleMania? That should have been Edge. Cena comes out to accept the Slammy; he gets the desired mixed reaction. Cena says that both he and the Rock won this award and introduces DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON …who, of course, isn’t there. Cena makes fun of the “via satellite” comments and says to roll the clip of the Rock accepting the award. There’s no clip either. John apologizes for Team Bring It for not bringing it; Cena hopes that the Slammy will inspire the Rock to (essentially) return to the ring. He promises he will be at his best and expects the Rock to be as well. 2.5/10 I still don’t agree with that decision. Edge was robbed.
CM Punk & Randy Orton vs. The Miz & Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez): Punk is wearing his green motif, which is my personal favorite (besides the Randy Savage tribute gear). A lot of people on TWITTER were complaining about the continuity between Orton and Punk who tried to kill each other earlier in the year. Punk starts off with Miz who hides in the ropes; Punk mares him into a soccer kick and slams him. Orton gets a tag and they stamp on Miz; Orton floats into a knee drop for a one count. Orton with a vertical suplex but charges into an elbow in the corner; Miz drops the Dangerous DDT and tags in Del Rio who viciously stomps away. He hits a dropkick to the back and brings Miz back in; Orton fires back but Miz takes him out. They take turns distract the referee while the other does illegal damage. Miz clamps on a reverse chinlock; Orton escapes with a backdrop suplex. Punk gets the tag and takes out everyone; swinging neckbreaker to Del Rio. The running knee/bulldog nets another two. NAP TIME! Alberto escapes with elbows to the side of the head and then distracts the referee allowing Miz to neckbreaker drop him off the ropes. Del Rio takes over as we head to break, when we return, Miz has Punk in another chinlock. Punk fights out, tries a backslide, but Miz maintains the advantage and tags Del Rio back in; he immediately slaps on a seated armbar. Punk utilizes a head-butt to fling himself free and drops a swinging neckbreaker. Miz gets a tag and then cuts off the reciprocating tag and drops a leg; Punk avoids the running low boot and gets a quick nearfall. Miz tags Del Rio who hits the Backstabber arm breaker. They quick tag on Punk some more and Miz hits the Vintage Clothesline which nets a nearfall; now the running low boot connects but Punk counters the Skull-Crushing Finale into the Go2Sleep, Miz slips off the back and gets one half of the Vintage Neckbreaker because Punk counters with a roundhouse kick. Orton almost gets the tag but Del Rio stops it. Wade Barrett appears out of the crowd and pulls Orton off the apron. Miz misses the Vintage Clothesline and Punk counters into the Go2Sleep but Miz fights free and lands the Skull-Crushing Finale and gets the surprising pinfall. Post-match, Orton runs into the crowd in search of Barrett and Punk is left in the ring with his two opponents at TLC. They pull a ladder into the ring and ram it into Punk and slam it over his back. Del Rio applies a ladder-assisted cross-arm breaker as Miz grabs a mic and promises that one of the two of them is taking Punk’s title and hit pipe bomb is going to blow up in his face. 6.5/10 Pretty good tag match with a good ending; Miz remains hot since ditching R-Truth and Punk’s triple threat disadvantage is clearly visible here as well.
Kane (possibly with mask) will be resurrected soon.
Vickie Guerrero and Goldust present the Slammy for “WWE A-Lister of the Year”. Vickie looks disgusted. Goldust calls her a winner for wearing more makeup than he. The nominees are; The Muppets, Snooki, Hugh Jackman and Cee-Lo Green; the Slammy goes to Snooki… for doing three moves at WrestleMania. She isn’t there but a prerecorded message says that winning is “friggin’ awesome” and pimps Zack Ryder. 1/10 Oy.
In the back Mark Henry tells Josh Matthews that Big Show ain’t seen nothing yet; and since John Cena disrespected him last week, tonight he gets inducted into the Hall of Pain.
Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal: Pre-match, Mahal says that Sheamus will play supporting role in his Slammy winning performance. He gets in the ring and immediately eats a Brogue kick. No bell so there is no official match.
Rey Mysterio comes out to present the Slammy for “Superstar of the Year”. The nominees are John Cena, Randy Orton, The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, Mark Henry and CM Punk. The WWE Universe voted and the winner is… CM Punk! John Laurinaitis comes out in lieu of Punk; he says Punk is in no condition to accept the award and humble accepts the award for him. 6/10 Glad Punk won that.
Mark Henry is headed to the ring but is interrupted by a 01/02/2012 promo.
John Cena vs. Mark Henry: Henry has his ankle taped still and launches Cena into the corner with a mighty shove. Back from (possibly) the final commercial break with Henry squishing Cena with an avalanche and gets a two count. He misses Death from Above; Cena leapfrogs him and tries a bodyslam but Henry plays Earthquake to Cena’s Hulk Hogan and gets a nearfall. Mark settles into a neck crank which goes on for a minute or so; Cena pries the hands loose and hits a back suplex. The Five-Knuckle Shuffle connects but collapses under Henry’s weight attempting an Attitude Adjustment. Henry roughs him up in the corner. Cena begins to punch his way back and tries some shoulderblocks but cannot move Henry, eventually getting snagged in a bearhug; Cena powers out again but runs into the World’s Strongest Slam but Kane’s pyro goes off and the lights go out. Kane’s music suddenly comes on and he heads into the ring with a weird black Jason-esque mask and long hair; he has a tank top on and new fire tights. Henry backs off and Kane chokeslams Cena and lights the ringposts. He pulls the mask off to reveal a new more evil looking mask (almost looking like the Undertaker under it) and the show ends. 4.5/10 Well the match was not great but it was just to reintroduce the repackaged masked Kane; it served its purpose and keeps them both strong.
OVERALL 4.5/10 Another three hour fail; the show was too long. There were a couple of good thing in there, CM Punk, the fatal four-way, a pretty decent tag match and Kane’s return. I prefer masked Kane, and the repackage looks cool, but the question is, how long before he is a JTTS again? The Slammys are fun and gives an idea of what the WWE thinks is good, bad and such. The show seemed to take forever and felt like “nothing important happened today”.